His Life Changed When His Dad Woke Up from Dementia for Two Days | Dan Cohen (Episode 180)
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His father woke from dementia for two days. What happened next changed his life.
What happens when someone who hasn't spoken coherently in years suddenly becomes 90% themselves again for two days? Dan Cohen, host of Awakenings in Real Life podcast, shares how his father's unexplainable awakening from severe stage-seven dementia eight months before death became the catalyst for an entire podcast about transformation, and why his brother the doctor still can't find a medical explanation after searching for a decade.
About This Episode
Dan Cohen is the host of the Awakenings in Real Life podcast and author of the book by the same name. His podcast tells inspiring stories of transformation, meaning and hope through various types of awakenings, from spiritual realizations to triumphing over bullying, addiction, disability, illness, trauma, loss, and near death experiences. While we typically think of an awakening as getting up or something spiritual or religious in nature, an awakening is also an awareness, recognition or realization. Dan shares stories of people awakening and then transforming their lives in powerful ways. The Awakenings in Real Life memoir was inspired by his father's awakening from dementia, an experience that reshaped his perceptions of family, memory, resilience, and what people with dementia might still understand even when they cannot communicate.
In this conversation, we explore:
The Stroke and Dementia Journey
Father had stroke at 75, bled into brain
Brother was doctor, got him to emergency in nine minutes
Developed dementia from stroke, not Alzheimer's
Vascular dementia previously called being senile
Progressed through all seven stages over 10 years
Stage seven: incontinent, needed help washing and dressing
Basically nonverbal, maybe one or two words if cued
No short term memory whatsoever
Still recognized family, which many dementia patients don't at end
Essence of the man Dan loved still there
The Two-Day Awakening
2015: Two bouts of pneumonia eight months before he passed
Treated with antibiotics and high-dose steroids
Had two-day awakening where he was 90% himself
Not terminal lucidity, which happens hours or day before death
This happened eight months before passing
Said "Hi, Danny. I love you very much"
Asked "What happened to me?"
Recalled grandsons in Ivy League and medical school
Events that happened during his dementia years
Told wife she was love of his life after 52 years marriage
Asked brother for cash to tip nurses and aids
Requested his sock to cover eyes for nap like he used to
Discussed favorite football player Wayne Corbett
Talked about Muhammad Ali
Brother videotaped him toward end of awakening
The Message That Changed Everything
Brother asked what he was happy about
Father's answer became foundation of Dan's mission
Message Dan believes applies to all dementia and Alzheimer's patients
Maybe people with dementia are more aware than we think
Brother tried finding medical explanation for years
Theory about hypo-adrenal and high-dose steroids lessening brain inflammation
Later research showed steroids can have adverse effect on dementia
Dementia is progressive downward disease
How can anything reverse it even temporarily?
Brother's colleagues and neurologist never saw this in 30 years practice
No medical explanation exists
Lessons on Caregiving
Acceptance and inclusion most important for dementia patients
Accept person for where they're at, not where they were
Don't say "you already asked me that 20 times"
Include loved ones in life even if they won't remember
Took parents to movies, father showed emotion during film
Five minutes after leaving, completely forgot
Easy to exclude them thinking they won't remember anyway
They still appreciate life, include them
Will be good for you too
Different Types of Memory
Short term vs long term memory in dementia
People losing memory can remember 50 years ago but not yesterday
Liz and Dan discuss how memories embed differently
Factual memories vs feeling memories
Energy of places and experiences stays even without facts
Memories probably embed in different parts of brain
Ones you rethink probably embed deeper
Living Eulogies and Small Acts of Kindness
People say beautiful things at funerals
How many tell loved ones while they're alive?
Dan wrote parents letter at 40, they said greatest gift ever received
Urges people to share how they feel, do video, write letter
Small acts of kindness can have tremendous benefits
Story of valet at horse racing track helping father
Valet would drive them to entrance as father got frailer
After father passed, valet looked intently in car at Dan
Motioned him to sit in back like when father was there
Maybe valet saw father sitting next to Dan
Consciousness and the Brain
Father's brain wasn't working but consciousness utilized body
Makes us think consciousness not as dependent on brain as believed
Dan's son studied AI, consults ChatGPT on contracts
Son joked he'd download Dan's consciousness into ChatGPT
Fits theory consciousness can be downloaded
Question of whether AI would be mimicking or actually conscious
No way of knowing unless we die and download ourselves
Signs and Presence
Dan feels father's presence every day
Gets pleasure looking at photos, almost like father still living
Father used to say gibberish word "madagunda"
Liz looked it up during podcast: village in India
Possible parallel lives, consciousness from other dimensions
Dan looking for signs at horse racing track after father passed
No horse named Herbie, no "angels among us"
Broke even at races, maybe grandpa made sure didn't lose
Valet incident the clearest possible sign
Afterlife Perspective Shift
Dan believes in God but not very religious
Culturally Jewish, hopes there's an afterlife
After interviewing Liz, changed perspective
More likely an afterlife than not
Studies Liz shares are compelling
Father's unexplainable awakening leads to believing more
If this could happen, maybe there is an afterlife
Likes theory consciousness gets downloaded
Awakenings Podcast Mission
Started after father's awakening woke Dan up
Wrote story on Medium 10 years ago
Over 320,000 views to date
Messages from family caregivers saying it gave them hope
Hope their person with dementia still appreciates life
Started podcast to share other people's awakening stories
18 episodes shot including Liz's
People triumphing over bullying, addiction, disability, trauma
All have inspiring messages of transformation
Bonus material: 5-10 minute awakening stories on website
Guest Stories
Bullseye the Clown: bullied entire life until 47
Awakening to become humanitarian clown sharing love worldwide
Went from wanting to be invisible to being so visible
Holocaust survivor Schindler's List story
Man sitting in temple 1993 with father
Rabbi mentions upcoming Schindler's List movie
Father turns and says "Your mother was on that list"
Had no idea mother was Schindler's List survivor
What Helps and Hurts After Loss
Love hearing how departed person touched others
Stories of how they affected people very heartwarming
Being told "you're very much like your father"
Worst: "It was their time" or "no longer suffering"
Who knows when it's anybody's time?
People always want one more moment with loved one
Someone said father was no longer father, why extraordinary measures
Father still held hand, kissed it, was essence of who he was
Never a time you want someone you love to leave
Key Quotes
"I'm happy to be here and just alive. Even in the throes of dementia, he appreciated life and wanted to live." - Dan's father
"Maybe the message was that he was a fighter and wanted to tell his family that he loved us and that he was fighting." - Dan Cohen
"People with dementia and Alzheimer's, we never know what they're capable of, what they think. Maybe they're more aware than we think." - Dan Cohen
"How many people tell somebody how they feel about them when they're alive? I urge people to share how you feel about someone while you can." - Dan Cohen
"Small acts of kindness can have tremendous benefits for someone. That was like a mini awakening because I never thought that way." - Dan Cohen
"If this occasion could happen, this situation could, it leads me to more believe that there is an afterlife." - Dan Cohen
About Dan Cohen
Dan Cohen is the host of the Awakenings in Real Life podcast and author of the book by the same name. A business consultant by career, Dan started the podcast to share inspiring stories of transformation, meaning and hope after his father's remarkable two-day awakening from severe dementia. The podcast features weekly guests sharing their awakening stories, from triumphing over bullying, addiction, disability, illness and trauma to near death experiences and spiritual realizations. His father's awakening woke Dan up to the power of small acts of kindness, the importance of acceptance and inclusion for people with dementia, and the message that even those who cannot communicate may still appreciate and want to live life. Dan believes in sharing living eulogies and telling people we love them while they're alive rather than waiting for funerals.
Connect with Dan Cohen: Podcast: Awakenings in Real Life
Website: https://awakeningsinreallife.com
Book: Awakenings in Real Life
Listen & Subscribe to WTF Just Happened?!: All about the afterlife. No woo.
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